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From DianaLoomans

If I had my child to raise over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

What an absolutely excellent idea. Cut your jack-o-lanterns from the bottom instead of the top. Helps keep them flat, and makes it easier to light the candle (then you put the jack-o-lantern over the candle which is on a safe surface. Plus you have the added bonus of keeping the stem attached to the pumpkin.

Halloween hack: Cut the jack-o’-lantern hole in the bottom of the pumpkin: Parent Hacks

One of the things that my wife and I have found very frustrating is the lack of information about feeding breast milk using the pump and bottle method. There is clear evidence that there is a great deal of benefit to breast milk (see here) both in the early month as well as long term (up to a year).

But what about the baby doesn’t like to or has trouble nursing at the breast? If you look in the parenting book, they all talk about breast feeding and assume that you are nursing. Some of them will have a small section about expressing milk and feeding with a bottle, but usually its talked about in terms of being able to give mom a break from nursing. There isn’t any real discussion about breast milk via the bottle as a standard feeding method. Most of the time the only thing they do mention is not to use the bottle too much because the baby gets confused about the nipple and may stop nursing. But what if you aren’t nursing…

I posed this dilema to our pediatrician, and her answer was very direct. “It’s ok”. Well, how hard was that? Why couldn’t one of these great minds behind the books that all us new parents use include that information?

In the end, if it feels right, it probably is right. Its clear that breast milk has many benefits over formula. And how you get it into your child is less important. If you can nurse, then do it, but if it just doens’t work out (and trust me, it is a lot harder than you might think) and you can pump and feed by the bottle, do it. Its good for you, its good for the baby and that’s all that really matters.

I have a bone to pick with all the parenting books out there, or at least all the ones that I have seen. Where is the dad’s point of view. Even the book for being a father by a well known breast feed advocacy group was so full of platitudes and assumptions that I threw it out. I had the reciept and the book was less than a few days old and I still threw it out.

That’s really why I have decided to start this blog, for me to have a place to tell things the way I see them and to try to start developing some father centric advice for once. Sure, we don’t have the babies, so what. Our children are as important to us as they are to our spouses, plus once you add in the importance of our spuse and us guys have a pretty good load of important things. But, just to set the record straight right now, I am not suggesting that anyone is a better parent, male or female, that any one has more or less invested in the health and well being of their child, I am just saying that since there is so much more that women have to do in terms of giving birth, most of the attention and support is focused on them. All I want to do is try to add a little more to the mix.

So, continuing my book rant. One book which I bought because it had a section on how to maintain and improve your marriage after childbirth had the helpful advice that my sex life was going to change. Obvviuosly the authors of that book (the aforementioned breatfeeding group) thinks that sex is the only thing that I am thinking about and that changing my attitudes about sex is going to improve my marriage now that we have a baby. Sure, that are of our life is going to change, but come one are you going to tell me that that is the only advice they can offer. Another book, which has been full of great advice so far, has a section on fathers and breastfeeding. This section said that even though I can’t offer nutritional value to the baby I can help by doing extra work around the house, those things which I might normally call “women’s work”. Who uses that word “women’s work”. The idea that less sex and extra housework are the key contribuations that I can make is crazy. What is crazier is that these authors and organizations think that that is all father’s want to hear is even worse.

So, plan on hearing more about this, and hearing my contributions to a real set of advice and tools for a modern father.

Ok, so you’ve taken the classes and you paid attention. You did the breating and the visulizations and your all ready. Well, I hate to tell you , but it doesn’t work the way it does in class. Its also not as bad as it is in the movies but don’t expect the easy going, calm breating either.

The amazing thing is that as my wife was laboring, I could see in her eyes the moment the pain was taking over. In a split second she went from the normal woman I know, trying to handle the pain, into what I can only call a frightened animal tryin gto escape. At those moments none of the fancy breating did any good, no hee hee haaaaa hee hee haaa. It was all of a sudden my monent to take charge. “LOOK INTO MY EYES” I would say in a strong and assertive voice. She’d open her eyes and look at me. “Breate IN, Breathe OUT, keep looking at my face”. The in breate is slow and steady and the exhale comes out as a cry or a whimper. It good. Breathe in quietly, breathe out loudly, In soft, out moan. Don’t stop until its over.

Also, the monitors they use are amazing, with it you can see the baby’s heart rate, but most importantly, you can see the contractions. If you can, watch them while she is there. You will quickly see the patterms. The devoce reads the muscles in the uterus and you can actual see them on the monitor before she starts to feel them. You can also see them peak and then start to subside. Its a great help because it help you to know when she is going to need assistance.

Other than breating, make sure you keep 2 things handy at all time. Firsdt a pitcher of water/ice chips. She may not feel like drinking the water at times, but the ice chips are great. Use a spoon, and give her some between contractions. My wife couldn’t get enough of them. The kept her hydrated and gave her somehting to checw and to put her focus on. Second is a cool or cold wash clothe. She will be warm and sweaty, and a cool clothe on the neck or the forehead at the right moment will be the best.

Don’t try to be funny either (you know who you are). Don’t make jokes or try to lightne the mood, it won’t work. Be supportive and caring, and be assertive. The staff may be great, but they have other duties. Your only duty is to your partner. She, your baby and you are your top priorities and you have to take care of all of them right now.

I wish I had started this before. And We’ll see if I stick to it this time (blogging that is) but I really want to document my experience as a father and hopefully share some tips and tricks that I find or come up with.